While conversing with a group of young men staying at the summer retreat of Phintias the Pythagorean in Naxos, Xenophanes of Colophôn suggested that cows worship a god that looks like a cow. We now know that this is not true. Cows are atheists. But they do believe in the Devil. The Cow-Devil has five fingers, owns Texas Rangers season tickets, and roasts the wicked over charcoal and brimstone.